


the end of yesterday

by ScottieIsImpatient



Series: if you left me behind [4]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Dealing With Loss, Deathfic, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScottieIsImpatient/pseuds/ScottieIsImpatient
Summary: Captain Archer's perspective in the immediate aftermath of Trip's death.
Relationships: Jonathan Archer & Malcolm Reed
Series: if you left me behind [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894453
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	the end of yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah this series is really fun. I think I'll do one of Madeline Reed next, idk.
> 
> I really am sorry for killing Trip like this. Poor boy doesn't deserve it. But as long as it's for the Malcolm angst, right?

_She watched it all tumble away._

_Is this the end of yesterday?_

_"Lord, I hope so," is all he said._

\- Endgame, Rise Against

* * *

It was like being punched in the gut.

No, more than that. It was like being punched in the gut, downed with gasoline, and lit on fire, all while someone drove a spike through his heart.

Jonathan Archer stood numbly off to the side, dead green eyes staring off somewhere beyond the bustle of sickbay. They’d been through thick and thin together, he and Trip. Of all the things that had happened on their five-year mission – the frozen shuttlepod, the Xindi, Suliban; hell, even falling off the damn warp reactor – Trip had come out on top. Archer had started to believe the man was invincible.

Of all the dangers they’d come across, it was an unstable cliff on a random class M planet that killed him.

Archer brought a hand up to wipe away the tears, noticing in dismay that it was shaking. He could not operate a starship like this. He had no anchor, no outlet for the emotions that flooded his brain. Would he ever be fit for command again? _Could_ he ever?

Noticing Phlox on an intercept course for him, Archer straightened up, using a nearby countertop to stable himself. Phlox’s eyes flashed to his shaking hand ever so briefly, but he did not mention it. “There was nothing I could do, captain.” Instead of his usual upbeat tone, the doctor’s voice was low and solemn. Later, Archer would notice that his hands were shaking, too. “Commander Tucker sustained… severe trauma to the back of his spine and ribcage. Not only from the fall, but from the rocks below. Even if I’d gotten there on time-” Phlox’s voice broke just the slightest bit “-I’m afraid it-it just wouldn’t have been enough.”

“It’s okay, Phlox,” Archer reassured him gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. The gory details, he noticed, seem to have been spared this time. Not that it mattered. In his minds eye he could still see the body of his friend, limbs twisted unnaturally, blood staining the ground beneath him.

Archer’s eyes flickered over to the other patient in Phlox’s care, one whose injuries were psychological rather than physical. The one who had insisted on carrying Trip’s body to the shuttlepod despite being completely exhausted himself.

“How is he?” Archer asked in a low voice. Phlox moved to match his gaze, made an “ah” sound and began to shuffle over to the occupied biobed, motioning for Archer to follow.

“Quite honestly, captain, I’m not sure.” The doctor ran a scanner up and down the motionless body, though Archer suspected it was just for show. “He seems to almost be non-responsive. His brain will detect various stimuli – our voices, for example, if you see here.” He stopped talking just long enough to show Archer the scans that were _not_ , in fact, just for show. “However, he gives no reaction, physical or verbal, that he understands. In essence, he’s completely shut down.”

Archer nodded numbly, not trusting himself to speak. The irrational anger that had begun when he first arrived at the scene was clawing desperately the cage he’d erected around it, the anger directed not only at himself but at the unresponsive Lieutenant sitting in front of him.

“If you’ll excuse me…” Phlox gave a quick gesture and hurried away to attend to his duties – or maybe to just distract himself. God only knew how many people would be doing the exact same thing when the news got to them.

Turning back to Malcolm, the state he was in finally registered in Archer’s brain. Ordinarily strait-laced and neat, the Lieutenant’s uniform was ripped at the sleeves and caked with dirt and tree sap; one of his pips had fallen off somewhere. Scratches and small cuts littered the exposed skin on his arms, legs, and face. Archer couldn’t help but envision the scene in his mind: Malcolm, frantic, racing down the side of the cliff, branches scraping as he ran past. Phlox had said he’d twisted his ankle as well, accounting for the limp he’d had. _And you’re angry with him,_ Archer’s mind spat.

While his physical state was distressing, it was the blank eyes that shocked the captain the most. Malcolm was the most Vulcan non-Vulcan he’d ever met, but no one could keep their true emotions hidden. Malcolm’s eyes always flickered with something, whether that be anger, disappointment, thrill; Archer had seen it all.

This hollow gaze was beyond comprehension. Malcolm was soulless, his life seemingly sucked from existence.

Archer wasn’t even aware of his own hand lifting until he felt Malcolm’s surprisingly soft hair thread through his fingers. Anxiously, his gaze flickered to Malcolm’s face again, but there wasn’t the slightest hint of reaction.

A sob caught in Archer’s throat as he realized that he’d lost not one, but two friends that day.


End file.
